Childhood sexual abuse is very traumatic all the way to adulthood.  Children internalize everything and blame themselves for it.

My abuse started at about 5 or six years old. At that age, you don’t understand  what’s happening, the only thing I could remember my father telling me, “Do not tell anyone and I will hurt you if you do.”  As I got older and it continued, I didn’t want him to touch me anymore and I would fight against it, and he would beat me into submission. 

At the age of 13, he died and I was happy!  For the first time, I was so glad that he could not hurt me again. Unfortunately, after that I was so lost and I felt all alone. I had my mom, my sister, and my brothers but that wasn’t enough and I became very promiscuous. Any man who wanted me would have me sexually.

I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong. I was abusing my body without understanding. I guess it was my way of feeling connected  to somebody the only way I knew how.

I was feeling numb for a very long time, I couldn’t trust. I was feeling so many emotions: unloved, unwanted, rejected, feeling ashamed, feeling guilty, and self-hate. 

Related Article: 3 Steps To Forgive Your Parents!

Relationships were hard! The only connection I had or knew how to handle was just sex.

I couldn’t feel anything, because the thing I called love was just a toxic emotion coming back at me. Childhood sexual abuse became my normal and I was repeating that cycle, by giving myself to men similar to my father. These men were only looking to gratify their own needs.

As an adult, I went from one relationship to the next.

I was trying to get a fix! Sex is a drug, just like drinking and getting drunk, taking crack and other drugs. I was just existing, I was alive but I wasn’t  living. Maybe someone who has been in this situation  will get what I mean. 

Mentally and emotionally you can’t  take what’s going on, on the inside of you, so eventually you will break. I prayed that God helped me because I just couldn’t take the pain anymore! He heard me and answered my cry. 

Control was my friend. I made sure that everyone kept their distance, I didn’t want anyone to get too close to me… because I was damaged goods! If they knew how broken I was — No one would want me nor love me.

That’s what childhood abuse does to an adult. It causes the person to be so broken inside, that they never grow in certain areas. For me, the child within me was driving the car. I never felt I was good enough due to the abuse: I believed I wasn’t worthy, or valuable, and I didn’t deserve happiness or to live an abundant life.

Related Article: 3 Steps To Forgive Your Parents!

I’m healed because I let go of all that anger, pain, and control. Letting go of the control was hard because I never wanted anyone to control me like my father did.

As I gave God the control of my life my life has changed for the better. I’m  living the abundant dreams of being renewed by Christ Jesus. I’m grateful that the memories and pain (the old things are passed away) and I’m healthy and happy (behold all things become new).

My journey is to help others to heal from their traumatic past. Are you struggling with the pain that comes from childhood sexual abuse? Or, the pain from childhood emotional abuse?

Are you sick and tired of going around in circles? 

When enough is enough?

I would love to help you on your journey. I am a Certified Life Coach and I’m prepared to walk you through this process for healing.

For without healing, we can’t  live a purpose filled life.

Without healing we’re stuck in the past – it’s like you’re in a box looking out through a glass window and you see everyone moving around, but you can’t  find your way out.

I have the keys to help set you free.

Try a 20 minute free consultation with me now!

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